I'm Not A Psychopath, I'm A Sociopath

You Blockhead

2009-12-09T15:28:17Z

I watched the Charlie Brown Christmas special last night. I love that damn show. It's the only Christmas special I watch.

It was snowing here, now it is sleeting. Going home should be buttloads of fun and good times.

I had a relapse on feeling sad about Formerly Cute IS Guy. I don't know why. It just has been making me feel bad and sad and stuff all over again. Maybe because I'm talking with 3 cute guys, all of whom seem to profess an actual interest in me, but can't seem to figure out to ACTUALLY ASK ME OUT ON A DATE or something like that. So it's like, flashbacks of last year.

And of course, working with Formerly Cute IS Guy doesn't help. It's no longer a stab in the heart to see him, but this past week it's been like, what was wrong with ME as opposed to the correct way of thinking which would be - he's an idiot.

I'll get over this but it's annoying me to pieces that I even still have something to get over. And cute boys are annoying me as well because they are being idiots.
Here's a hint: IF YOU LIKE ME, ASK ME OUT. I'd ask you out, but I've played that game already and my conclusion is that while most guys SAY they like that, they really don't. So I'm not doing it again.

All Ready In The Oven

2009-11-30T12:41:35Z

Yes, I am singing Christmas carols already, and I don't care if you don't like it. The Waitresses Christmas Wrap is fucking genius.

And it's only 20 more sleeps before I can go to my parents house.

Sah Ein Madchen Ein Roslein Da

2009-11-19T14:51:57Z

So, I need to try to understand something. If the majority of women in this country wear a size 14 and over, why is it exactly that clothing companies don't cater to us?

Another Person In My Skin

2009-11-05T13:38:34Z

Laura Ingraham, and I have no idea who she is, took over hosting for Bill O'Reilly last week, when Mr. O'Reilly was apparently not at work, because he had people to annoy or something. So she spent part of her hostessing duties talking about why it is that feminists hate Sarah Palin. www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2009/11/04/feminists-hate-sarah-palin-because-she-lost-her-baby-weight/

Now, I am a feminist. Guess what?  I don't hate Sarah Palin. I don't admire her either, but I don't hate her. I dislike her politics. Oh do I dislike that. But hatred? Why bother? I have more hatred for those fucking assholes in Saabs who cut me off in traffic.

Let's examine the reasons I supposedly hate Sarah Palin.

1. I am a childess spinster. Therefore, I must hate Sarah Palin, who is married with children.  Working along this theory, I should hate my mom as well.

2. I hate her because she has a cute husband. Never mind that I don't think the man is particularly bright, which, to me, negates any physical attractiveness one might have. Nope, she's married to a cute man, thus, I hate her.

3. I hate her because she lost her baby weight. Yes. Feminists everywhere detest Sarah Palin because we're a bunch of fatties and we're jealous because she took off her baby weight. Okay, I realize that it's sacreligious to not be on a diet when I'm fat, but I'm not. Nor do I give a shit about other women's weight.

4. I hate her because I'm a woman. Um. So, I must loathe myself?  Where is the logic in this?

5. I hate her because she's pro-life. No. I dislike that she thinks I should be pro-life, but her stance on abortion is her choice.

6. I hate her because she's against everything I stand for. Again, I dislike her politics, but I don't hate her. I dislike her politics. Hello? Can we see the difference? No. We can't.

Why do I expect anything different from someone who is subbing for Bill Frakkin O'Reilly? I shouldn't. But these were just too good not to share.

Please Turn Me On I'm Mr. Coffee

2009-11-02T12:25:27Z

What I wanted to do this weekend:

Go to archery

See furtim's play.

Do a nice Samhain ritual.

Go on a date.

What I did do this weekend:

Go to archery and go down 24 points in score.

Lay tile all afternoon.

Did a Samhain ritual that I'm still like, eh, over.

Get blown off for date.

Laying tile is not a fun way to spend the afternoon, let me tell you.

And as for my date for Sunday? Seriously, just fucking TEXT me or something to say no thank you, you became not interested in the time that elapsed since Thursday. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with men? Why are some of you so fucking stupid? You know, after Formerly Cute IS Guy I was hoping that at least any potential datees would be better on the communication front. I was apparently incorrect about that.

With Liquor and Drugs

2009-10-27T15:24:42Z

Dear Sephora,

It's less than 2 months until Christmas. Is this seriously all you're offering for holiday makeup palettes? Really? This is it?

I hate you.

Love,

The Queen of Evil

Hung Up

2009-10-21T12:45:48Z

I am still trying to find the perfect red lipstick. I was going to ask at MAC on Friday, but never got around to it.

It was a fun class, different than what I thought it would be - I had thought we would be doing our own makeup, but we didn't. We had a demonstration by this fabulous makeup artist, then traipsed back to the store for making up. I had my eyes done with the Devil May Care eyeshadow palette, which I'm wearing today. I haven't worn that much eyeshadow in years, but it looked good. In fact, the only thing I wasn't happy with was my eyebrows - they looked purple. My eyebrows are reddish brown, or they're supposed to be.

I did get the Dazzleglass in Amourous, which is a great darker red. It comes out red too, instead of pinky red, like most reds do on me, so that was nice.

I also got the House of Mirth Deep lip kit, which had this nice, I don't know what color to call it, like, a rosewood lipstick, and a red-y bronze-y Dazzleglass. It's not what I would have chosen on my own, but it came out great, so I picked it up.

I hope they have another class soon - I'd love to go to another one.

Kickin In A Milkshake

2009-10-16T11:34:37Z

WHich may or may not be the actual line in that song. I don't care, that's how I sing it.

I'm attending a MAC makeup class this afternoon. I'm both looking forward to it and being slightly jaded about it, like I've attended HUNDREDS of MAC makeup classes before or something. Which I have not. I haven't attended a one. But today I shall. I just hope they don't try to make me use moisturizer. Fuck moisturizer.

Fall Down Into Velvet

2009-10-14T11:53:20Z

I'm not really sure about the MAC holiday collection. Everything is either too light or too brown. Brown is fine for eyeshadow, but I'm not buying a brown lip gloss, no how, no way.

The Lush holiday collection looks FABULOUS and I want to buy all of it right now. I don't think that will be happening, but I can dream. There is a bath bomb that smells like apples. I wants it. And Snow Showers shower jelly is back, oh for the happy!

Number One In A Hot Party Show

2009-10-05T11:11:09Z

Things I did this weekend:

Practiced so much archery on Friday that my middle finger went numb.

Walked 3 - 4 miles in the POURING RAIN on Saturday for diabetes.

Got my first archery accessory for said numb middle finger - a finger tab!

Walked 3 - 4 miles in drizzle for Breast Cancer on Sunday. Would have walked more, but as blisters necessitated two first aid station visits, figured I could get away with doing the shorter route for once.

That was my weekend. I is tired. And blistery.

Wir Sind Tief Durch Die Hoelle Gehen

2009-09-26T17:58:16Z

I am now Master Bowman, instead of just Bowman.

Thank you. I am that awesome.

Sehnsucht Versteckt

2009-09-25T18:34:20Z

If I win the lottery, I'm buying a boyfriend. Yeah. I am. Men buy girlfriends, why can't I buy a guy?

She Whispered Tenderly

2009-09-21T15:12:00Z

If shoulder pads are coming back, I am not wearing them. Won't, can't make me. I didn't like them in 80s, I like them even less now.

It Could Be Sweet

2009-09-14T17:21:57Z

How is archery going?

Archery is going fucking fabulous and I love it to little tiny bits.

I almost doubled my score from last week, and I still out-shot both of the young men in my class. Well, they're probably early thirties, but I can call them young men.

Oh, and since I shot over a 100, I got a little prize - a little patch that says "Bowman" because I'm that good.

I am so in love with doing this it's like, when the hell is it going to be Saturday again so I can shoot?

Wir Sind Deutscher Roboter

2009-09-05T01:09:04Z

A woman in my group suggested that I make a list of things that I would like to do to Formerly Cute IS Guy, as a way of getting over my anger. So, here it is, in no particular order.

1. Rub his face against a cheese grater.

2. Force him to listen to NKOTB until he loves them.

3. Tell him he can't have nice shoes because he sucks.

4. Point out his receding hairline to him. Repeatedly.

5. Hamstring him.

6. Play the knife game from the movie Aliens with him, but miss.

7. Tell everyone at work that he cried during My Bloody Valentine.

8. Remove his tattoos with battery acid.

9. Take him to a gun range and out-shoot him.

10. Make his cats puke on him.

You're Doing Fine

2009-09-02T15:36:00Z

I'm having one of those times when I'm just irritable and moody and bitchy and nothing is making me happy. I'm lonely, rejected, and crabby.

Also, if I thought I was dying, I don't think I'd want Brock Sampson to sing "Move This" to me. I think I'd rather he sing "Miss You" by the Stones or something.

Baggy Jeans and Long Blonde Hair

2009-08-28T19:10:32Z

Here's the thing, I'm not going to be rude to you, but I'm also through with being considerate of your damn feelings. You never seemed to give a shit about mine, so I think it's just fair that I should return the favour. You fucking jerk.

I wish I could get over feeling rejected, that's what stings the most. It's like, I wasn't good enough. I'll never be good enough.

Fuck people.

You Leave Me Breathless

2009-08-24T11:28:16Z

Thank you, wonderful ladies at GoFugYourself. I too am afeared of Ginger Spice's reluctance to go outside wearing pants, for she is no Lady Gaga, that's for sure. LOOK INTO PANTS!

In other news, damp.

Give Me Deliverance

2009-08-17T13:41:18Z

So, let me get this straight, according to the guy who owns Whole Foods, 2/3rds of this country are overweight, and 1/3 is obese.

So, if that's true, there should be no skinny people whatsoever.

So, if we work this hypothesis along to it's logical conclusion, then skinny people are the aberration, and us fatties are the normal, since WE ARE THE MAJORITY.

And if anyone questions me, I'm gonna take my fat Irish ass and I'm gonna sit on them until they suffocate.

All This Running Around

2009-08-11T13:39:33Z

Ohmyhead. I go to GoFugYourself a lot, because I love to see that just because one is rich and famous, and has a "hot" body, and, one would think, an entire team of stylists at one's command, doesn't mean that you look good.

And sometimes, I just sit there and say to myself, wtf, who let you out of the house like that? I mean, seriously, some of these people, doesn't anyone love them enough to say, hey, maybe you should wear underwear? Or that maybe high waisted jeans don't look good on anyone, even deathly thin 18 year olds?

Granted, I am not what ANYONE would consider a fashion plate. But, you know, at least I know that my underwear goes INSIDE my clothes.

You Can't Be Too Sure

2009-08-07T14:17:11Z

This week hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be. Although my first instinct on any given day was to grab him and shake him like a rag doll, and demand to know if the new girl was prettier than I am. Then I wanted to shove his arm down the garbage disposal and see if it got sharpened into a pencil point.

Everyone has been like, he's an idiot, but they don't think he was being a jerk intentionally, and I'm not sure I really care about the difference. This hurts, although not as bad as I thought it would. Maybe I've been emotionally checking out for so long over this relationship because it never seemed to be going anywhere, I've kind of come to the conclusion that I don't know if it ever would have worked, so I am not 100% surprised.

Whatever. It sucks to see him, and wonder if he calls the new girl more than me, if he sees her more than he saw me, if he likes her more than he ever liked me.

Why do I torture myself?

Inherently Given

2009-07-31T14:11:44Z

So, I'm not sure how I feel today. I'm not crying, so that's good. I kind of feel empty sad. Like, it's sad, but it's empty, so I don't feel the need to express the sad, if that makes any sense?

I saw my therapist last night, and I don't know if she was sticking up for Cute IS Guy or just trying to make me feel like, hey, maybe this isn't as bad as you think because YOU are not as bad as you think. Cute IS Guy had said that this girl wasn't serious, and he wasn't ruling him and me out and blah blah blah blah blah. Therapist was like, "seeing" her may mean that he's seen her once. And when I called him a liar and a coward, she told me that based on emails from him that I had shown her that she didn't think that was the case. And when I told her that as far as I was concerned, he never cared for me one bit and has, in fact, spent the last 9 months dicking me around for his own amusement, she told me that again, that didn't seem like him. WTF? I'm like, look, he didn't tell me he was seeing someone else, he has been leading me on for whatever reason, and I don't think this is because I think I'm that bad.

Oh yeah, and he wasn't at work yesterday, and he's not in today.

Now, this could be because he had scheduled these two days off.

I, however, prefer to believe that he is too scared of me to face me. And I could be right.

If I cannot inspire love, I WILL inspire fear.

And Then It's Gone

2009-07-29T17:40:51Z

Well. Cute IS Guy? Is now seeing someone else.

On the one hand, I'm relieved.

On the other hand, I'm devastated.

Sleepy Maggie

2009-07-27T11:28:55Z

Sometimes I worry for the woman who writes Blogdorf Goodman. She's just got way too many taupe eyeshadows. She probably has more taupe eyeshadows that I have vanilla fragrances, and I pretty much only have vanilla fragrances, notable exception being B&BW Black Amethyst.

I think someone should maybe take us for an extended stay at a spa to try to get us over these obsessions. That's what I think.

Glitter Lust

2009-07-23T18:41:10Z

I want to build a little dollhouse on my desk here at work for when I'm bored. Like now.